


Until the End

by Megane



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Best Friends, Doubt, Experimental Style, Friendship, Inspiration, Self-Doubt, Self-Sacrifice, Teamwork, Tension, What's Best for the Team, suppressed emotions, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-16
Updated: 2015-05-16
Packaged: 2018-03-30 21:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3951592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Megane/pseuds/Megane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Koushi Sugawara is vice-captain on the Karasuno volleyball team. He always had a hand in their successes or defeats. Regardless of the outcomes, he took pride in his team, his friends, and did his best for them. Now a third year, he knew that he would continue to give all for his team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Until the End

          “For us third years, there is no 'next year'.”

          “If we have to use Kageyama to that end, then please choose him without hesitation.”

          “If he gets tired, or it's a stopgap method, I'll be happy to fill in.”

          “As a third year, as a player, I want to play and win as many rounds as I can. I will! I will win and do my best for my team!”

 

_For myself…_

 

Even though he said those brave words, Koushi Sugawara felt his heart hammer in his chest. He did his best to look unaffected, and apparently, he was successful. He felt Ukai's steely gaze on his back when he turned away, but he couldn't look back. He didn't want to reduce the impact of what the conversation they just had. He passed two hallways and rounded a corner. He pressed his hand against the wall before slamming his back against it. Suga leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes tight. The tears stung, hot and merciless, in the corner of his eyes. 

          “No,” he whimpered, pressing his face against the crook of his arm. “I have to hold it together.”

He sucked in a hard breath and pushed himself away from the wall. He took a couple more shallow breaths, lips quivering with each one. He raised his hands and pushed them outward, slowly exhaling as he did. Once he was steady, he gave himself a nod and turned to his right, hurrying down the hallway. He needed to write some things down. 

          “Hinata, hey! Do you have a minute?”

          The redhead smiled and bounced to attention. “Sure! What is it?”

Suga found his smile coming easily. Hinata's youthful, genuine excitement to see him, for many things, was just so uplifting. Suga slowly blinked as he hid his emotion and the fondness he had for the younger classman as he exposed the folded paper. Suga explained the hand signals and his reasoning for making them. Hinata gripped the paper tight with both hands, dismissing the upperclassman's worries with great enthusiasm.

          “Then, in that case, if you ever find time – if it's ever convenient for you, I should say – then I would appreciate it if you would practice with me.”

          “Of course! Of course! I'd be happy to!” Hinata spun on his heels with the paper close to his face.

Suga watched the smaller athlete leave, smiling as Hinata imitated each hand signal with one hand. He crossed his arms, eyes lowering to the ground. He shifted his right foot. The thoughts swam in his mind. The practice match with Nekoma was coming up, and regardless of the outcome, he wanted his team to be at their very best. Their very best… He would… 

He brought up his head, taking in a shaking breathing and blinking away the hot feeling again.

He would also be at his very best!

He gathered himself again and dropped his arms away from his body. One more time. One more time. He'll be able to hold it together one more time until …

… until the very last moment when he couldn't hold it to himself anymore.

Suga placed his hands behind his back and sighed deeply as he headed towards the sleeping rooms. His shoes occasionally squeaked against the floor boards, a sound that was welcome to him by now. He stared at the various structures, the cracks in the wood, and the age of the architecture. He stopped in the middle of the hallway, staring up at a crack in the doorframe. It would ordinarily be unnoticeable to anyone who wasn't paying attention. It was a hairline crack at the top of a brown doorframe. He wasn't sure how he even came to notice it, but it was a definite disturbance in the paint. Suga tapped his fingers against the other palm, staring at the insignificant crack. He turned his body away from the door, eyes lingering on the spot before finally turning away. He broke into a steady, easy jog on his way back into the bedrooms.

 

 

The sharp whistle tweeted into the air. His breath came out as a strong huff from his chest. He knew this would happen. Kageyama was in the starting line up. Suga felt a tight clench in his chest. He raised up his hands towards his mouth and reacted in the only way he could. 

          “Nice toss, Kageyama!”

He supported his team.

The tight clench wasn't one of sorry, of regret, of anything bitter. He was… strangely proud. Perhaps he was a bit sad because he wasn't there in the flag position for his team. He was so used to being _there_ in the action, but this wasn't a sign that his time had passed. Not really, no. There was still so much he had to learn, even if it was from someone younger than him. His hands were red from clapping, clasping, and balling his hands into fists.

          “Nice receive, Daichi!”

          “Great job, Asahi!”

          “Nishinoya, fight!”

He called out to the players member by member – even Tsukishima got his recognition. He placed a hand on Yamaguchi's shoulder, pointing to the cooler at the far end of the benches.

          “Do you want something to drink?”

Yamaguchi bristled, startled into reality. His eyes lingered on the court, on his friend, on the serves, on the many, _many_ things in front of him. He finally tore away his attention to look up to his senior team mate.

          “Yes! Please. I- I'm not really doing anything,” Yamaguchi pulled together his words a bit clumsily.

          Suga offered him a smile. “It's no problem. It's important to stay hydrated, even if you're just watching.”

The freckled brunet nodded his head and leisurely turned his head back to the court. The whistle blew. The referee tipped his right hand towards Karasuno. The pale upperclassman pulled away and headed behind the bench row Yamaguchi jumped to his feet and cupped his hands around his mouth. “Nice spike, Tsukki!” Suga's attention perked slightly, but then he chuckled. He was glad for Yamaguchi's energy as well.

 

 

The whistle sounded again. Suga crossed his arms, half-depleted bottle against the curve of his arm. His heart thrummed rapidly in his chest. Hinata had found his rival. Hinata found someone other than Kageyama to move him forward. Suga felt awe wash over him in a sudden wave. Adrenaline crawled through his veins and up his spine in a pleasurable jolt. When their captain switched to the front lines, the adrenaline rushed to his stomach, swirling to the point of nausea and impatience.

Suga stretched his legs and jogged in place, trying to shake the feeling off. Yamaguchi turned his head towards the older athlete, wanting to ask but never letting the words form. He faced away again, gaze still side thrown towards Suga for a few more seconds. The pale student placed his water bottle down, flexing his fingers as he watched the match in front of him. It made him nostalgic. It made him anxious to be _out there with them_. But at the same time, he wasn't sure he could trust himself to move with all of these crawling, conflicting, wonderful feelings inside of him.

When he finally sat down, he tapped his feet rhythmically on the ground. Yamaguchi curled his fingers tight against his shorts, watching his team almost unblinkingly. His worried lips trembled, though they were pressed firmly together. He was caught off guard by Suga's breathy laugh.

          “You want to be out there too, huh?”

          “!!” The freckled brunet turned to the vice-captain before lowering his gaze. “I. It would be nice to help — to be a part of this, but I trust them!”

Suga smiled, and then Yamaguchi laughed sheepishly.

          “A-at the same time, I wouldn't want to drag the team down if I joined them.”

Suga's smile never wavered. It softened a bit. He nodded his head, facing the others. Yamaguchi did the same.

          “I know how you feel. They're really on fire. I feel as though if I go out there now, I would douse that flame without really meaning to. They have a rhythm. They...” He laced his fingers together, tapping his thumbs against each other. “They're amazing right now.”

Yamaguchi sat silently, keeping his gaze forward. He was listening to the vice-captain but wasn't sure what to say.

          “It's like you said, I trust them,” Sugawara continued. “They're not going to stop fighting, and I'm not sure how I would react if I was put out there now. But I want to win. Even if I'm not the direct cause of it, I want to win.” He stood on his feet and cupped his mouth. “Nice one, Daichi!”

Yamaguchi stared up at the pale student before smiling. He stood on his feet and clenched his fists.

          “Karasuno! Fight!”

Suga's hands lowered slightly as he stared at Yamaguchi in surprise. The freckled student noticed that he was being watched and jumped slightly. Suga laughed and nodded his head. They turned back towards their team. 

          “Kara– suno–! Fight! Fight! Fight!”

 

Fight! The ball slammed against the floor on Nekoma's side. 

Fight! Tsukishima flinched as the ball slammed against his palms, but his block was successful.

Fight! Hinata prepared a jump for a spike. Asahi held his position and jumped up for a spike.

They fought for a tied set, and Nekoma fought back with claws and teeth. Karasuno kept its offense with talons and screeches. Suga lowered a hand to his chest, rubbing soothing circles over his heart. The adrenaline left his body, leaving him clammy and shaken. It was an exciting match, but as expected…

 

The adult cat overpowered the fluffy baby crow.

 

When Hinata shouted for another game, Suga's hand froze in place. He ignored the looks Yamaguchi, Ukai, and Takeda all gave him. He leaned his back as the laughter left him. It wasn't boisterous and went largely ignored by the other members of Karasuno. 

The crows were a bit ruffled, maybe injured, but they were far from giving up.

 

 

          “Oi, Suga.”

Suga turned towards the voice. Daichi reached out and curled his fingers against the curve of the other captain's arm.

          “Hey, what's up?”

          “Follow me for a moment.”

          “Hm? Sure, sure. Everything okay?”

          “Yeah!” Daichi smiled and tugged Suga's arm gently. “We're fine. Hey, are you hungry?”

          “I can go for a snack.”

Daichi led the way away from the school grounds. They walked quietly together for a little while, clearing past the front of the school. As they headed towards the gates, Suga tipped his head to one side.

          “How are you feeling?”

          “Huh?” Daichi raised his brows. “Ah. After that practice match?”

          “You all fought so hard.”

          “We did. I'm frustrated and fired up at the same time.”

          Suga laughed gently. “You should be.”

          “And what about you? Aren't you fired up too?”

Their eyes met. The silence between them was brief but heavy. Suga looked away, smiling brilliantly as always.

          “Of course! I want to win after all!”

          “Do _you_ want to win yourself, or do you want _us_ to win?”

Suga's fingers twitched in his pocket. His instinct was to reply “I'm part of that 'us', right? It's the same thing.” But he felt as though he was being led on. There was something to Daichi's words, but he couldn't sift through the hidden meaning. Maybe he didn't really want to. Pushing away his thoughts before they built, he went with his initial response.

          “But I'm part of that 'us', aren't I? So it's all the same. If you all win, I'm... part of that success.”

          Daichi granted him mercy and smiled. “It's all the same.”

Suga couldn't help but let out a silent breath, glad that the topic ended there. The conversation diverted back to the practice match. Suga gave criticism from what he saw on the sidelines. They stopped periodically to pantomime executed or theorised moves. Each time, Daichi brought a hand to his chin thoughtfully before prompting Suga to continue. When they arrived at a restaurant, they sat down in a corner booth, letting their bags rest beside them. Daichi knew what he wanted to order and asked for two different platters of food. Suga stared at him curiously.

          “You sure have an appetite, huh?”

          Daichi lifted a hand, waving off the question. “Oh, Asahi's on his way, so I just ordered for him.”

Suga nodded his head and examined the menu for a little while longer. Daichi leaned over, pointing out which items he personally liked and which ones he'd avoid — “At least for a first timer,” he said. Suga snorted and shook his head but listened to the brunet's guidance. When he finally ordered, Daichi sat back and nodded his head, proud at the paler captain's choice. 

Suga gave attention to his phone, sorting through messages before finally forwarding a call home. He turned his body away from Daichi, who more or less listened pleasantly. When Asahi finally arrived, he placed his bag on the step beside the booth. Daichi slid over and let Asashi take place next to him. Suga waved gently at the bearded spiker. A couple of seconds afterward, he ended his phone call.

          “I ordered for you, you know,” Daichi told the other brunet.

          “Ah, what'd you get me?”

          “It's a surprise, hm, but it has meat and cabbage in it.”

          “You're trying to be cryptic, but you probably just forgot, didn't you?” Suga asked, smiling as he did.

Asahi just smiled, and Daichi tipped his head away, shrugging up a shoulder. They talked together for a while, and their food eventually came. After the customary blessing, they began to dig in. Midway through, Suga chewed thoughtfully, staring at his water. His thoughts were coming back in slow waves of emotions. He flared his nostrils, deeply sucking in air quietly. He closed his eyes and finished chewing his food.

          “I was telling Daichi earlier, but you guys really fought hard today. I was in awe the entire time.” He laughed and relaxed his posture. “I was so impressed by you all, and you even continued on for two more games.”

          Daichi chuckled, brows knit. “Hinata really has boundless energy...”

          “It's kind of a good thing that he's on our side,” Asashi added. 

They all hummed thoughtfully, soft smiles armed. Suga drummed his fingers on thighs, opening his mouth to speak.

          “It's a shame you weren't out there too, you know.”

Suga blinked and met Asahi's gaze. The kind-hearted spiker's lips twitched shyly at the corners.

          “We've all been together on the court since our first years, you know. Even though we have Kageyama who is impressive, there's something that...” Asahi trailed off before pulling his thoughts together. He shrugged and stared down at his food. “I, I guess I can't fully say that it's the same since it's not the three of us – powering through together, you know.”

          “I know,” Suga replied softly, nodding his head once.

          “But even if you're not there with us, you're still part of the team. You're still essential to our growth,” Daichi stated, an arm resting on the table.

          “I… I kn–”

          “Do you?” Daichi tipped his head. “We heard you talking to Coach Ukai, you know.”

Suga held Daichi's gaze before glancing over towards Asahi. Daichi brought his head up to the ceiling.

          “In reality, you did the most sensible thing. You thought of the team, kept yourself available, and continued to show unflappable support for us. But...”

          Asahi spoke now: “It always feels heavy when you do something like this. There always seems to be more.”

Suga kept his posture proper as the two spoke. Daichi let their words weigh in the pause.

          “We're telling you directly: you are important. To us, you're not replaceable; you're not dispensable.”

          “Perhaps,” Suga started, maneuvering his hands together, thumbs pressed against each other. “But it's like you said, I've to keep the team in mind.” He nodded his head, staring down at the table.

          “Is that it…? You don't believe that, do you?”

Suga lifted his gaze, staring at Asahi. There was worry in his eyes, but his lips were pressed together as though he was holding himself back. Daichi sat up and pressed his hand on Asahi's shoulder, and Asahi spoke again,

          “Suga. I respect you. I'll always respect you – and Daichi. Since we're third years, the younger students look up to us, but to me, they _really_ look up to you.” He leaned forward, lowering his voice a bit. “It's no surprise, but Daichi can be a little scary sometimes.”

Suga laughed, even when Daichi's brows jumped up. He swat Asahi on the shoulder who just laughed softly at the attack.

          “The first years rely on you to help them out. You're the setter. You've helped set the tone and pace of many battles before. You have experience _and_ knowledge. You've put them to us. And even though they haven't always seen you at work, we have.” Asahi put a hand on his chest, motioning his other to Daichi.

          “We don't want you to feel as though you have to sacrifice yourself for us,” Daichi added. “Perhaps it would be best to let Kageyama grow to be an essential part of the team, but he will wear if we push him. He has the ability to surpass experience with talent, but he lacks the full brunt of knowledge regardless. He's not meant to be your replace… ment...”

Daichi's words slowed when Suga lowered his head. The tears he tried so hard to hold in finally spilled. He laughed at himself and reached up, brushing away the tears with his wrist. But the tears grew. His lips trembled as he fought to keep his smile up. The others just watched. 

          “Suga...” Daichi stated softly.

          Asahi's worry exposed itself completely. “Suga.”

          “I'm just overwhelmed,” Suga admitted. He shook his head, trying to power through the sudden sadness. “I'm a third year. We _all_ are. There's college, sure, but this is the last time we'll stand together as 'Crows'. This is the last time we...” He swallowed down a hard lump and brought his head up. “Kageyama is fresh to many perspectives we're showing him. Other than that, he's radiating potential. He has abilities that honestly frighten me. I've never seen such power up close.” He placed his hands in his lap, cheeks and eyes damp. “For _me_ , graduation is closer than I thought. I'm just doing my best to make sure you all can go far.”

          “Suga, we still need you,” the black haired captain replied, his voice somewhat distant.

          The vice-captain smiled, eyes closing with the action. “I know.”

Asahi and Daichi looked to each other, trying to scramble through each other's thoughts on how to proceed. They came to the same conclusion that they should all continue eating. They'd handle the rest afterward.

 

 

          “Come again!” called the host shouted as they left.

The three students called back their thanks as they exited, reveling the fullness as they walked away from the restaurant. Asahi reached out and wrapped an arm around Suga's shoulders. Daichi walked over, stood to Suga's right, and placed his arm on top of Asahi's. The brunet's moved closer together, barring them all off in a triangular pattern.

          “You're not allowed to sit out just because you think you'll be on the bench from now on,” Daichi said.

          “If I could, I'd call out for your tosses every time,” Asahi replied. “You're always giving us such helpful advice, but you keep pulling yourself away from us.”

          “Yeah, what's up with that.” Daichi lifted up his hand and gently pat Suga on the back of his head.

Suga smiled, trying to suppress it when it wanted to grow. Daichi ruffled his head.

          “You're the vice-captain. You've never going to be unneeded.”

          “You're our setter! You'll always have guidance for us, even though we have a coach!”

          “You're our teammate!” The brunets said together, voices raised.

Their lifted tones shocked Suga, the air leaving his lungs in a rush. Asahi and Daichi stared at him imploringly. 

          “You're not going to be replaceable!”

Suga's gaze bounced back between the two of them.

          “Do you get it now?” Daichi asked, fighting off his own worry with a gentle voice.

Suga hummed softly and brought his arms up, wrapping them around his friends' waists. He leaned his head forward and grinned. They imitated him. Their heads touched each other, arms tightening around each other's bodies. Suga felt all of the doubt being chased out of him. What replaced it was something strong, warm, and familiar. He took a deep breath and let it out easily.

 

 

          “Hey, hey!” Hinata waved his hand as he ran closer towards the pale athlete.

          Suga turned his body towards the redhead. “Oh, hey, Hinata. How're you? I'd thought you'd be at practice already.”

          “Nn-nn. I had to talk with a teacher,” the small decoy mumbled, pouting as he did. Almost instantly, he rebounded from that spell. “But! I wanted to catch up with you! Let's walk to practice together.”

          The vice-captain tittered at the typical amicability from his teammate. “Sure, sure. It's no problem.”

The redhead rattled on about his dream last night in which Karasuno went against Nekoma again. Except instead of everyone from Karasuno being themselves, they were all old women from Hinata's neighbourhood volleyball team. But the old lady team still had high school Karasuno's voices. Suga shook his head, grinning at the details. Hinata soon broke away and opened the door. Ukai's voice echoed through as he shouted out directions. Six athletes ran back and forth between the back line to half-court. Tsukishima and Enoshita were amongst those six. Tanaka was also mingled in there – with his shirt off. Hinata groaned as he crossed over towards the benches. Ukai turned his head towards the open door.

          “Ah! You're finally here. You guys had better get ready. I'm going to be sending you out there too.”

          Hinata groaned, again, louder. “What! We're supposed to be practicing serves and dives and be like _ba-tang!”_

          “Huh? Quit making up words and get hydrated. If you haven't eaten anything, this isn't going to be easy on you. You'll get to be all _boom_ and _fwoom_ , whatever after drills!”

          “Alright!”

Ukai shrank away when Hinata leapt into the air. The shorter student ran around the corner towards the back door, shoving his body against the bar. Suga followed after slowly.

          “You'll need to stay in shape too,” Ukai stated as the shorter male walked behind him.

Suga stopped. Ukai looked over his shoulder.

          “If any part of the machine isn't functioning, we'll all apart.” He turned away and heaved a heavy sigh. “We're all grinding as it is, trying to keep up with Hinata.”

          Suga smiled and nodded his head. “Right. I'll be back in a moment.”

Ukai cupped his mouth as he shouted for the group running to stop and line up on the half-court again. Suga placed his hand on the back door bar and pushed down. The fresh air and sunshine greeted him as the door swung open. He squinted his eyes. He glanced over his shoulder towards his team working hard, knowing soon that he would be as close to exhaustion as they were. The thought made his lips tug upward. He turned again and stepped through the door. As he headed to join Hinata, he knew that the warmth he felt wasn't just from the outside.

 

He still had some fight in him. He knew it; they did too. He would use it all and continue to fly with his fellow crows.


End file.
